when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
