There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
