The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You ruined the universe
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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