When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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