Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This baby is an asshole
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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