He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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