You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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