Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
