May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
