she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
