Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
