Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
