I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
