Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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