No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
