Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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