I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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