k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
