shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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