Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
