If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
