i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
