i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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