if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
