I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
