if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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