i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
