Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
