I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
