Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
