So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
