LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
