I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
