wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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