Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Someone shit on the floor
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
