We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
