How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
