Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
In America we eat man semen.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
