I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize