bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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