I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
