Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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