We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
