If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
