left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
