Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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