I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So squirting runs in the family.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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