i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
