Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so much tequila, so little girl.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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