Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
