I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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