Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
