Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
