Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
