Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You left your phone here
Wait...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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