im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
