Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
