Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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