it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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