please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You smell like stripper and shame
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
