actually, I'm a sock model
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
