The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
