No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
