How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize