I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
