whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
