ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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