Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
