I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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