now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
