careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
