Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Even my vagina gasped.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize