I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
50% drunk capacity currently
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
