I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
